Useful Not True

“Useful Not True” in five steps:

• Almost nothing people say is true.

• Your thoughts aren’t true.

• Ideas can be useful, not true.

• Reframe: Find better perspectives.

• Adopt what works for you now.

Every statement everyone says could be prefaced with a disclaimer: “From my limited point of view, based only on what I’ve experienced…”

People find facts to support their argument on any debatable topic or view of the world. Facts can be true, while the perspective is not.

Rules set expectations and the terms of the game. They’re a useful starting point, but they’re not the final answer.

Governments and businesses make rules, but those rules are as random as children’s games, created by a similar process. A few people in an office, tired and wanting to break for lunch, agreed on something and haven’t thought of it since. An assistant typed it into an official document. The person enforcing it just learned about it last week, and doesn’t really care, but doesn’t want to get in trouble. They treat these rules as true because it makes their job easier. But they’re negotiable.

Family, friends, colleagues, and communities put social pressure on you to do what they want you to do. They say it’s your obligation or your duty. But those terms are social expectations. They’re not real. They’re not even universal. They’re just one way to see the situation.

Everyone has their own problems. To know whose problem it is, think who benefits most from solving it.

Actions have no inherent meaning. To yell “come in” instead of answering the door can be offensive to one person and endearing to another. When someone tells you what something means, it’s never true because it’s not the only answer. It’s just one perspective. You might do something you think is polite, only to have someone tell you it’s rude.

When someone believes something that seems crazy to you, consider what incentives, from their point of view, make that belief useful. It helps you understand someone, and helps you feel less defensive. It helps you separate the person and the actions — to see their beliefs not as who they are, but as something they’re currently holding for a purpose.

People’s motives are unknowable, even to themselves. Let go of the need for a reason. Ignore their explanations. The only true facts are their actions.

Memories feel like facts, but they’re not. People don’t doubt their memory, but you should.

Distrust limitations. Strip away interpretations to see the few actual facts. We’re held back not by raw facts, but by the meanings we give them.

Beliefs have a purpose. They help us adopt a perspective or identity. They help us take action, or cooperate with others. The only problem is when we confuse belief with reality, and insist that something is absolutely true because we believe it.

Whenever someone says, “I believe …”, then whatever they say next is not true. If it was a fact, there would be no need to declare a belief.

Your first thought is an obstacle. You need to get past it. Outsmart it.

Your instinct never goes away. But let your wisdom have the final say.

When I’m feeling troubled, it helps to look around at reality.

So I get away from all people and media, to avoid all viewpoints, opinions, and drama. I shut off my devices. I go to a place where the natural world is untouched by humans. Ideally deep into nature and stay a few days, but a beach or a forest for an hour will do.

Almost nothing people say is true. My thoughts aren’t true. Norms, obligations, the past, the future, and fears: none of it is real. They’re just thoughts formed into stories. Out here, they don’t exist.

Beliefs create emotions. Emotions create actions. Choose a belief for the action it creates.

Picturing one future makes you quit. Picturing another future makes you jump up, full of inspiration and action. A single thought can exhaust you or motivate you.

One thought makes you act selfish. Another makes you act generous. One thought makes you do something stupid. Another makes you do something smart.

Which belief is right? Wrong question. Which belief leads to the action you need now?

Let’s define “useful” as whatever ultimately helps you do what you need to do, be who you want to be, or feel at peace.

The word “ultimately” is there as a reminder of long-term consequences.

Listen to ideas, not their messenger. Focus on the contents, not the box. Avoid ideology.

You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Perfect is the enemy of good.” Likewise: True is the enemy of useful.

Meanings are entirely in your mind. But their effect on you is real. Like a placebo. It actually works.

So the reverse applies as well. If a meaning is holding you back, you can actively doubt it, question it, and find evidence against it, to stop believing it. Then it loses its power.

You might say, “I can’t help the way I feel”, as if it’s completely out of your control — as if you have no choice and are unable to feel any other way. But you do have a choice. Think a different way and you’ll feel a different way. You choose your reaction. Not the first one, but the next.

There’s a crucial moment in between when something happens and when you actually respond. It’s an important life skill. It’s as simple as this:

• Something happens.

• Get past your first emotional reaction.

• Consider other ways of looking at it.

• Pick one that feels empowering or useful.

• It shapes how you feel and what you’ll do.

Whether you think you can or can’t, you’re right.

To change, reach past what comes naturally. Avoid your defaults. Get guidance outside of yourself. Use a different tool.

You can think of a hundred paths to follow. But you can’t follow them all. Use time. One path now. Other paths maybe later. Otherwise you’ll never get anywhere.

How do you know what’s the best choice? Trick question! No choice is the best in itself. A choice becomes the best when you choose it. That’s when you make your decision congruent. You find plenty of proof to support it. Evidence against it is useless. You align yourself with your choice.

After you privately internalize a belief, talk about it with friends. Explaining it to different people helps you refine it. They might see an angle or consequence you hadn’t considered.

We know ourselves through others.

If you’re considering something destructive — that would hurt someone or yourself — be very reluctant, keeping all other options in mind for some time. But for anything else, take the first step immediately, without hesitation. Start momentum.

You are your actions. Your actions are you. Your self-image doesn’t matter as much.

When you realize what you need to do, it doesn’t mean that’s who you need to be. You can just pretend.